Adventures in Solo Remodeling

The last big project before we keelhaul outta here is the kitchen countertops and backsplash. The current formica has been in there since roughly 1973--a lovely faux marble. Lovely. Truly lovely. In case you can't tell I was being sarcastic. I found a contractor to lay the new formica and I set about getting myself some 3 x 6 white glossy ceramic tiles. Knowing that when I broke off the 15" formica backsplash, I'd see a lot of glue with cement under it (I was very right). Anyway, I've always loved that subway look (sans the crazies and graffiti).

I finally get the guy scheduled and mentioned to Matt the night before that I have to take the sink out the next day. He launches into how he spent 2 days under that sink messing with those crummy pipes when we first moved in, and how I was going to have trouble with it and I was gonna have to call a plumber because I wouldn't be able to do it by myself, and that disposal was going to be a nightmare, yada, yada, yada. Indignantly, I spouted, "You know, I think I can handle it!" After all, I'd been watching the tutorials on eHow.com. Hello! I was so ready!

Alternately scoffing and seething to myself, I went to bed with the intent of getting up bright and early and taking out that sink first thing. I was gonna show him.

My contractor was scheduled for 2pm. It was 8am when I started. The pipes all went mostly without a hitch. Just as eHow.com said they would. Then I started in on the disposal. Just as eHow.com said I should. When I had the connectors all loosened, I twisted it counterclockwise and it should have dropped into my hands.

It totally didn't.

So I twisted it some more. Still no give. And again. Nothing. By the time I'd made 3 full turns, I returned it to its original position and thought, "Hmmm...better consult eHow." EHow had nothing for me. If we were going to stay here, I'd just clip the wire and pull the whole works out together with the sink, but I'm not in the mood to re-wire that bee-otch before we move--if you saw the current electrical setup, you'd understand. So I went to my neighbor, who said, "Yeah, no, there's a reason why I don't have a disposal." Between the 2 of us, we tried wrenching it, thinking it was cemented together by decades of crud (it's been under that sink since 1985). By this time it was almost 11:30, and my neighbor had long given up. Cringing, I googled "shoreline area plumbers". God, I hate it when I'm wrong. And freakin' Matt is so often right, that coot.

I was able to find a plumber who could come out before 2pm. He took one look at it and said, "What kind of a disposal is this?" Wonderful, I thought, as I sipped my 50th cup of coffee and watched him work. 15 minutes later, he had it out. Open mouthed, I gasped, "What did you DO?" Well, he'd found another set of bolts at the top. Bolts that I'd thought were holding the actual unit together, but were only securing the unit in place. Super.

Long story short, the sink was out of the way well before 2pm. Then at 2:30pm my contractor called me and asked we could re-schedule until the next morning. Thinking about my stressful, expensive race to disengage all my plumbing, and looking forward (sarcastic!) to not having a kitchen sink or dishwasher for at least another day, I agreed.


So here I am. 12:23pm. Guy was supposed to show up at 10a. Calling his cell produces only voicemail. Marvelous!

(again with the sarcasm)