Friendly McFriendster Friendy-Pants

It is a rare event when I am able to blog these days. So I better make it count.

Warning: commentary to follow.

After rankling me for years, I'd finally like to call attention to those who I refer to as "glib-friends."

Glib-friends are those that you have consistent contact with. They are always fun. They recharge you. It's not necessarily a one-sided relationship, either. But it may be tilted in one direction. This friendship may go on for years, and all parties seem content.

Then circumstances change, and one party finds themselves moving to a new place, or maybe taking a new job. Maybe they just got a new girlfriend or something. Anyway, the dynamic is altered for whatever reason, and unless you assume the entire burden of communications, the friendship stops cold.  Suddenly they flake out on time scheduled with you. They call at the last second saying, "Oh, man, I'm sorry. I didn't get enough done this weekend. I gotta cancel." They don't show at going-away parties, or I'm-visiting-town-and-I'd-love-to-see-you parties. It's a harsh reality for someone who carefully tends friendships. For he who is steadfast and supportive and, generally, a pretty good pal.

I fail to see how these phenomena are even possible now with Facebook, when keeping up on your friends requires a 60 second skim of the news feed. Or dropping a comment on a photo to say "LOL! BTW, how have you been? OMG TTYL!" takes 10 seconds. We have more ways of communicating than ever before. It used to be only letters. Then it was phones (and forget about hearing from your friends if you were long distance). But now we have email. Tweets. Nationwide long distance. Comments. Blogs. Skype. G-chat. 7 [free and] immediate forms of communication that I can think of off the top of my head!

Of course this works both ways. It's because of the Facebook feed that I know of a transgression against friendship.

I highly respect people who arrange to see you if they're visiting your town, or when you announce that you are visiting theirs. I especially respect those that go out of their way to make contact. Maybe you're visiting Denver, and they live in Fort Collins. But they make the drive anyway to have dinner. My cousin once told me after I marveled at her effort of wrangling her children and coming to visit me while I was on a trip to interview at a medical school, "You flew 1500 miles to be here. I can drive 30." Maybe they're visiting Anaheim, and you live in the Inland Empire, but you get through evening traffic to enjoy Vietnamese-French fusion in Garden Grove. You're in midtown Manhattan, they're somewhere in New Jersey. But they're on the subway to find you at Grand Central and have the best guacamole of your life. It doesn't always work out, like when a Seattle pal was visiting Riverside, but I knew I'd fail my test if I had dinner with him instead of studying. It sucks to have to say no. In general, I have found that when you work at it a little, it's a rewarding effort, for sure.

What I do not respect, however, are people who are all talk. Fair weather friends. Friends when it's convenient for them. Sure they go on a lot about how much they miss you, they want to see you, and Oh, guess what? They're actually going to be in your area in a few months. Oh, they'll so totally call you! Then, the facebook feed pops up a news bit about their trip. So you send a comment back about Wow, we should meet up. Phone moi!

And you're met with stony silence. No comments back, not even a, "Oh sorry our schedule actually unexpectedly blew up. I'm sad that it won't work out." Hearing that is still a disappointment, but at least they told you and that's something. But no. Not a word. Not a follow up email. Not a text. Not a comment. Nothing. But the worst part about it is that this is a pattern that repeats over time.

I've probably been guilty of this once or twice, but never more. Because when I'm on the receiving end, I feel awful. Then I get mad. And when I get mad I want to eat sugar and fat and not work out even more than I normally do.

So please, please, for the sake of sanity and the waistline, don't be the glib-friend.

The more you know....