Night Time Love (Spelled H-A-T-E)

Shut it Oreos. I'll be El Triste if I feel like it.

I'm about to enter the fourth of four weeks on the Night Block. I and my senior resident manage the medical/surgical/ICU wards overnight, arrange all incoming admissions through the ER and respond to any Code Blues and Rapid Responses--including on the locked psychiatric ward. I spent the latter Advent season and the 12 days of Christmas doing such. It was my first Christmas truly away from family and friends. The first of many, I'm guessing.

I'm so over it.

Weeks 1 and 2 were no big deal. By mid-week 3 I began to feel an urge to RedRum. Now into week 4 I am...shall we say, irritable. If the morning marine layer isn't too bad, I can catch a glimpse of the sun on my commute home. Otherwise, my life is dark--well...fluorescently lit, I suppose. I have been maintaining my vampire life on the weekends, to minimize the stress associated with this schedule. So here I sit, 2:00am, trying to keep busy until I can Go To Ground in 5 hours.

Its' hard to keep busy. It's lonely. Everyone else I know is asleep. The only places that are open right now are bars and 24hr fitness (neither of which I care to explore). I've caught up on a lot--like, a lot--of TV.

But I long for morning jogs. For having coffee with friends on the weekend. For museums and shopping and scenic drives.

A very good and respected friend of mine recently [and somewhat strongly] admonished me to get back out there and re-assess the dating scene, of which I have been historically apathetic. Since I know he pays attention and I respect his opinions, I dutifully attempted such. Thus far, it's unremarkable. I have been met with messages from men on the other side of globe (why?), men who are wayyy too young for me (not quite ready to Cougar, sorry), and--my favorite--men who are strongly pursuant to achieving a date, who then stand me up. So in short, I would describe this experience en toto as "underwhelming." I talked to said Friend on the phone today about the latter, scoffing, "This is all your fault. I'm going to turn off my account again." I mean seriously, sometimes lonely can be bad but at least it is bereft of these ridiculous highs and lows. He made me promise to give it an extra 2 weeks after completing Night Block, citing my current circumstantial and unfocused hatred. I tried to talk him down to 1 week. "Nope." Fine.

The things you do for your pals.

 But the light at the end of the tunnel is growing: Friday after the Morning Report, I am headed directly to Palm Desert to spend the weekend with Oregon friends and be reborn unto daylight. It was right about a year ago that I was living out there for a rotation; it'll be nice to visit.