Unexpected Free Moment

All gussied up and feelin' dissect-ey.

Exam 2 has come and gone and it was a surreal and agonizing experience in the least. I. Studied. My. ASS OFF. Thursday night. Friday night. Satur-day & night. Sunday. I finally called it quits around 9pm, with the distinct impression that my brain overfloweth with information, but not with even remotely enough knowledge to get me through the next morning's clinically-based written exam.

Pre-Exam 2

I'll add that Matt managed to secure a last-minute and probably the most ill-timed 3 day weekend during this period. "I'll see you Monday afternoon," I said to him on Saturday, as I flew out the door to a practice practical.

So, as has been thus typical for medical college, I awoke feeling ill. I forced down my tried-and-true exam breakfast of Ezekiel toast with peanut butter and banana and copious fresh ground Peet's French Roast. I struggled the rest of the day to keep it down, dreading more the potential embarrassment of vomiting in front of/on all my peers rather than the vomiting in and of itself.

I managed.

I'll take this opportunity to note that this is not your garden-variety "ohmygodohmygodohmygod I'm gonna flunk out of school" test anxiety. I've never had test anxiety of this magnitude or nature before. This particular subject matter had me completely wigged. I always felt lost. I was always choosing the wrong answers on the practice tests. Then I'd get mad. Then I'd get freaked.

These emotions were consistent throughout the exam, for which I indulged the entire 2 1/2 hour period, and would've used 3 if they'd offered. The practical was no different, as I bit back my blubbering inner freak each time I looked at a tag that seemed to mark nothing but a tangled mess of shredded burrito.

"Completely unnerved" might be a good descriptor of how I felt. I couldn't even tell you with any reliability whether or not the tests were fair.

Afterward, as everyone rushed outside to gossip with and bitch to each other about the exam, I tried to sneak away so I could go be alone and think long and hard about what I'd done. I dreaded going to happy hour later on, as I could barely even keep my composure and the thought of talking to another person was wholly odious.

After coming home and watching some of Frost/Nixon with Matt, I cooled off to the point where I felt I could keep my obligations to happy hour--plus they all would have called me to find out where I was if I did ditch.

Jay peer-pressures me into a Saki Bomb.

Happy hour turned out to be a bitchin' time. I have some seriously awesome colleagues, and I'll say it again: I can't underscore how proud I am to be a part of this school and share these experiences with this group of people. I haven't felt this connected or comfortable since my Jesuit High days.

Vince, Jeff, Casey & Ron bomb their own sakis.

And so, the weird part of it all is that I finally just saw my scores and they were smack in the middle of the class average (at or above is my goal to finish this course), and I still don't know how that happened. I am pleasantly stunned that I managed an average exam when I felt mostly lost the whole time.

Getting up to post-exam 2 no-good, and flashing the "d.o." sign.

God, it's SO annoying that I'm such a drama queen.