Dude, I'm Like a Dude. Who Wears a Bra...Sometimes.

Casey, with whom I can endlessly expound on such profound topics as video games, Family Guy, Star Wars, and variations on "That's What She Said"-isms all the livelong day, comes up behind me the other day and socks me a good one in the shoulder, cooing, "Heeeyyy Stannard, what's haaaappeninnnn'?" (Yes, he said it just like that) I respond by making an evil face and whining something unintelligible. He asks, "Oh, shit, did you just get a shot or something?" Neh. I was just being a wiener. I get a text message a few hours later saying, "Stannard, I'm sorry about the charlie horse. I forget you're a girl sometimes."

It's kinda true. I'm kinda proud.

There's a pretty good Mexican joint across the street from school. They make wee little soft tacos, and because we're students, it's only a buck for TWO! So I went with colleagues Lim and DTak (not their real names) for a taco feast the other day. Then we loafed in the grass to digest afterward. In the afternoon, we had to practice for our clinical practical exam that's coming up. So I was doing an abdominal exam on skinny little Lim. The rule is: "Look. Listen. Feel." So I looked and could see distention. I listened and could hear the taco migrating. I felt and a vaguely taco-shaped object went flying by. I said, "Lim, I have good news. You have a taco baby."

Lastly, beware should find yourself in a neurosurgeon's office. These guys are obsessed with 2 things: sticking you with pins (and calling it an "extremely useful localizing test") and your anus. This combination generally results in sticking you with pins on or in your anus. Or pin-pricking the scrotum to see if it'll retract (well, yeah--I don't even have one and it's retracting while I think about this). Or my personal favorite, inserting a finger into the anus to "measure rectal tone" while pulling on your penis (or clitoris). Supposedly this measures a valuable functional reflex. I am not kidding.

Let this be a lesson to you to always wear a helmet, always look both ways before crossing the street, always buckle up for safety, do NOT develop aneurysms under any circumstances, and always avoid all spinal cord-cutting activities.