I Should Be Carrying Groceries in This Thing!

Ah, the bra. 

It's a grand invention, when you think about it. It lifts. It separates. It smoothes. It supports. How many other products serve so many functions at the same time? And they're everywhere! 52% of the population wears them. Another 20% probably should. 

Marvel of engineering that it is, I let it fall by the wayside all the time for two reasons (in no particular order): 1) They're expensive (daaaaaamn!) 2) I'm astoundingly lazy when it comes to keeping those things updated on the manufacturer's recommended timelines. Kind of like the oil change. You know, they say "approximately every 3,000-5,000 miles" and you think, "Oh, what's another 1,000 miles?" Next thing you know you're two oil changes behind and that ain't no good.

True to the car analogy, the bra will mechanically malfunction to let you know when it's time to be swapped. Case in point, mine threw its wire the other day. "Ah, hell," I thought. "This one's my workhorse, too." By 'workhorse', (of course) I mean the smooth nude one that is well suited to all varieties of shirts: white to black, button-down to tee. So I've been trying to make do with some others because I really really loathe going to the mall. Black under black, mostly. White bras are almost useless. They show through everything.

Today was the day. 

There are a few types of clothing that I am willing to spend money on, and they are always the things that get used most and used hardest: shoes, jeans and bras. There is a positive correlation between brand reliability and longevity of the product. And with brand reliability comes $$. Furthermore, I will always go to Nordstrom, and never to Victoria's Secret (who know nothing about appropriate fit, and don't carry enough sizes even if they did) for this task. 

After being measured and fitted by a Nordstrom professional, I emerged equipped with two new 'ssieres, and lighter almost $100. They always wrap them up so nicely in pink tissue paper, fixed with a neat decal, and placed in the standard upright Nordstrom Bag. I don't understand why--they are a bag unto themselves. Especially these: 32DD. I mean, they could have just folded one up and stuck it inside the other and I could have slung the works up over my arm and headed out the door. 

I am shocked at my new size, but I gotta tell ya, I'm more comfortable today than I've been for a long while. 

Fun Facts to Know and Tell About the Bra:

1. They are designed for optimal performance in a 6 month life span.

2. They still sell those pointy grandma-boob bras at Nordstrom.

3. The sky is the limit as to what you could spend on 'em. 

4. Women have used bra-like devices, designed to lift, separate and restrain their breasts since as early as 2000BC.

5. Each bra can have up to 40 different parts to assemble.

6. My Dad vaguely refers to women's undergarments as "dainties".